Acts of Cultural Vandalism #11 - The History of the World Backwards

The History Of The World Backwards - Episode 6 (BBC 4 2007)

Welcome to another edition of cultural vandalism, and this edition is about history - going backwards.

In October 2007, during my college years, BBC 4 advertised an interesting comedy sketch show with an interesting title - The History of the World Backwards. I was intrigued, but I wasn't able to watch it (I think it was because something else interesting was on another channel while it was on (and I had no recording facility at my disposable at the time).). Year later, thanks to the internet, I was able to watch it (because they didn't repeat it on TV) .... and I found out why they didn't.

The History of the World Backwards (if you haven't worked it out form the title) is about an alternate reality where time runs forward, but history runs in reverse, with the series beginning in the 21st century and ending with the Stone Age. Dates run in reverse as well, with a child born in 2007 turning 60 in 1947. 

It was a TV adaptation of No Planet B or, The History of the World Backwards, a live show written and performed by Robert Newman. For everyone who wasn't into British comedy during the late-1980s and early-90s, Robert Newman was one of the significant comedians at this time. He was part of a Cambridge student comic quartet, with Hugh Dennis (of Mock the Week and Outnumbered fame), Steve Punt, and David Baddiel who came together to perform on the BBC Radio 1 topical sketch show The Mary Whitehouse Experience, which later was adapted to TV on BBC 2. With The Mary Whitehouse Experience, Newman and Baddiel became "unlikely pin-ups as, in the early 1990s, comedy was being fêted as 'the new rock and roll'," leading to their own series, Newman and Baddiel Rest in Pieces. They soon lived to "the new rock and roll" label with their "Live and in Pieces" tour with their iconic performance in a sold-out Wembley Arena in 1993, the first comedians to do so, leading a trail for later stadium-selling comedians, like Lee Evans and Michael McIntyre. 

Newman's (and Baddiel's) most famous gag was the History Today skits. First appearing on the The Mary Whitehouse Experience, the skits involved two elderly historians discussing a a typical historic subject which then degenerates to a playground spat, which you can reenact with little improv skills with this simple script.

HISTORIAN 1 - Tonight's subject is [insert historical subject here]

HISTORIAN 2 - You know that [insert thing here]... That's you, that is.

HISTORIAN 1 - You know that [insert thing here]... That's you, that is.

(Then repeat those two lines for as long as you like.)

Here's a clip from YouTube for reference.

History Today sketches from The Mary Whitehouse Experience (1992)

But, all was not rosy for the duo. The partnership was widely reported as being fraught with tension. On stage and TV, they rarely perform together. Most of their work was in the form of individual monologues (with the History Today sketches been one of the exceptions). It was envidiable that after their Wembley show they went their separate ways. While Baddiel became an icon of the 1990s "new lad" culture (through his new comedic partnership with Frank Skinner and their Fantasy Football League), Rob..."disappeared."

He seemed to disappear from the television landscape, with some concerned rumours about his mental status. It seemed that Rob was becoming the Syd Barrett of comedy. But it wasn't true. Rob had been writing a few novels and performing one-man shows featuring social-consciousness, environmentalism and anti-[insert anything that is bad about the world]ism. And it was one of these live shows that led to his brief return to television in 2007 - No Planet B or, The History of the World Backwards. 

The History of the World Backwards shares the themes that feature in most of his work with some added silliness. However, I should warn you that you should need some more intellect than the typical Blackadder viewer to understand the full content of this show. But, if you got a general grasp of world history, you can watch this like it was a mix of Blackadder/Horrible Histories and Monty Python. With this lens the show has its memorable moments, such as Alexander Graham Bell making the last ever premium rate phone call and Feudalism winning elections for tackling local issues. It even has two sketches about the backwards history version of Jesus, which will please the fans of Life of Brian. 
But, it does have an environmental axe in it. It's the show's main theme - the gradual decline of advanced techno civilization back to the Stone Age through rejecting fossil fuels, large-scale farming, and artificial substances. People return to self-sufficiency, repairing things instead of throwing them away and buying new things from China and farming on land space that was once covered by supermarkets and multistory car parks. Despite this reversal the effects of the brief time of global affluenza remain, causing climate change that triggers the Ice Age where the remaining people (who now live in caves lit with flickering fires that serve as a flickering memory of television) collect fruit and hunt meat, occasionally falling into chasms full of what remains of their ancestors' landfill.  Some of you may not like this, but I do. 
But one thing that I personally thought ruined the show was the nice couple who always sound sinister sketches in episodes one and two. I didn't see the point of them! What did they got to do with the early-20th century? Was it some vain attempt to create a new version of Ray - the man who always talks in a sarcastic tone (look for series 2 of The Mary Whitehouse Experience)? To me they were a pure waste of time serving no story-telling function whatsoever. That and also I thought a few sketches were too slow and long.

Most reviews were not favorable. One reviewer said "Here, we are relying largely on Newman alone and he ends up being bogged down into too many sketches that fail to go anywhere and stretch far too long". 
Another claimed the show was too confusing and that, "The sketches are nonsensically unfunny, and any serious points get lost in the absurdity."  A. A. Gill said that, "It's a sketch show written by Stephen Hawking's wheelchair. It collapses under the weight and restrictions of its own concepts."
One thing that the criticism of the show features is its comparison to the 2006 BBC 2 series Time Trumpet, a sketch show by political satirist Armando Iannucci set as a 2031 retrospective of the late-2000s (which I did watch as it came out and liked a lot). Seeing both shows, I can see the similarities and their different angles. Both reinterpret and manipulate archive footage for comic and satirical effect, but Time Trumpet sees them as events that have already happened, while The History of the World Backwards sees them as things that are happening as we speak. But each show's scope of time is different. While Time Trumpet only deals with (then) recent events, which are quite easy to manipulate on the video editing suite, The History of the World Backwards stretches to all history, meaning that the image manipulators have to deal with all sorts of record, including Aztec pictographs (which were modified in episode 6 to suggest that they included elements of modern Christianity (including Pancake Day and charity fund thermometers)). On those grounds, The History of the World Backwards is a more aesthetically interesting show, but (as an experienced animation connoisseur) I know personally that aesthetics alone don't make a good TV show. The story is the most important thing of any performance. And, on that ground, Time Trumpet wins, with its contemporary references, while most people won't get the many things in The History of the World Backwards.
As a final indicator of how bad the show has performed, The History of the World Backwards has (as of the time of writing) never been released on DVD, while Time Trumpet (despite been made in 2006) was released on DVD in 2009, and in December 2011, Comedy Central announced that they were remaking the series for the US, with Iannucci as producer. Ouch!

As a sad result, The History of the World Backwards became one of those TV shows that you can now only see on YouTube (unless you know someone who's got it on tape, DVD-R or on a hard drive when it broadcasted).
Another programme that has fallen a similar fate is The Changes, a 1975 BBC kids drama based on a the Changes Trilogy by Peter Dickinson. In it the people of Britain suddenly experience a loud annoying supernatural noise coming from every piece of advanced technology, forcing the populace into smash up their machines returning Britain to a pre-industrial age (sound familiar?).

The Changes (1975)

Compared to The History of the World Backwards, The Changes was very well received. It was viewed as a sort of older kids version of contemporary adult post-apocalypse drama Survivors and was noted for its multi-ethic casting (compared to the almost all-white cast in Survivors). It did so well that the series was repeated in 1976 and shown overseas, even appearing on UK Gold in 1994. But, despite this, (as of the time of writing) it has never been released on video or DVD. Why? Is it something about environmental-themed stories involving the rejection of high-technology - like television? Could a similar fate happen to Revolution? Of course not. It's a high-budget American series, from the producer of Lost. It's bound to be released on DVD (or Blu-ray) eventually.

In the end, to conclude this review, here's an ad slogan that I have adapted that accurately sums up what I thought about The History of the World Backwards - 

It's a great idea, but it's not Carling.

Rob Newman had a brilliant idea for a comedy sketch show, but it was badly executed. You could have done better Rob. It just needed some fine-tuning (like getting rid of that sinister couple). Don't judge the rest of Rob's work from this series - he's great in The Mary Whitehouse Experience and Rest in Pieces (which are all on YouTube, which is how I was able to see them and reference Ray earlier). And if Rob is happen to be reading this, I'm sorry for been a bit hurtful, but I'm just been honest about my thoughts about this show. I give it 7 out of 10, with a possible 8.

This this talk of backwards history, I might give it a stab myself... but this blog is getting long now and I should rap this up. And now a final sketch, and on the theme of backwards history, we'll take a good look back on the life of the late Cat Stevens (backwards).

See? I told you he'll be back. We just needed to coax him out of hiding. 

Hello.

UPDATE: I'm delighted to say that since writing this post, The Changes has been released on DVD.

Acts of Cultural Vandalism #6 - An observation about a boy who like cake!

On the night of Friday 5th April I developed a fever. I was shivering so much with such a temperature I literally couldn't sleep that night. I was meant to go to take my nephew and mum to the cinema in the early Saturday morning, but I couldn't because of the lack of sleep (they went on their own  without me and saw Wreck-It Ralph. My Nephew liked it but found the Call of Duty style game bit scary (I haven't seen it let, so forgive me for getting this description of the scene wrong)).
My first two weeks of April are packed for me, because of my nephew's Easter holiday from primary school. But this "surprise break" and and some ill feeling that prevented me from eating (we all do waste a lot of time eating food, even on the go) I had a lot of free time that day's afternoon (before Doctor Who and Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway) so I decided to watch a DVD that I purchased a long while ago but didn't develop the will to make time to place in the DVD player let alone press the play button soon after buying it (I have a lot of them - movies, series and so on).

On that sunny Saturday afternoon I watched the first several episodes of the anime romantic comedy series Ouran High School Host Club. Starting as a manga first published in LaLa magazine in September 2002, it was adapted to animation in 2006 and then was adapted to live action in 2011 (which isn't unusual in Japan).

It involves the students of a fictional elitist high school in Tokyo, an unusual school club and one scholarship student named Haruhi Fujioka. One day, while trying to find a quiet place to study (like you do in high school and college) Haruhi stumbles into an music room and encounters the school host club that occupies it. During this meeting of cultures Haruhi accidentally breaks an renaissance-era vase worth ¥8,000,000 (US$80,000 in the U.S. English manga tranlation) and is made to pay back the costs by becoming a host for them. But (and here's the clincher) the club members soon within a few hours of making Haruhi a host find out that Haruhi is actually ... a girl. All sorts of hilarity (and some fourth wall breaking) ensues afterwards.

Now, a "host club" (you will have to click this link to learn more) is an establishment where well-dressed or theme-dressed young men (for a fee) engage in sweet loving conversations with (mostly) female clients over a drink or two of various beverages. Some mild kissing could happen in such places, but that's it. Nothing beyond that. There other places for that, which has nothing to do with host clubs and they like to stay as far away from that territory as possible thank you very much, ignorant pricks.

Now, it will take me forever to explain to the non-otaku among you the cultural concepts this series mostly parodies and satirizes, so below is a link to a paper written by Tania Darlington from the University of Florida entitled "The Queering of Haruhi Fujioka: Cross-Dressing, Camp and Commoner Culture in Ouran High School Host Club" which thankfully covers everything I would have said if I had to explain why the series is a hit.

http://www.english.ufl.edu/imagetext/archives/v4_3/darlington/

But, I'll add this. If your a fan of Little Britain, you'll like this series (but you may need to develop a tolerance to the colour pink, as its the most dominant hue in the show's colour scheme).

Now to the main reason for this entry. One of the "hosts" is the shockingly-seemingly-innocently-cute Mitsukuni Haninozuka (also known as "Hunny" or "Honey"). Here's a picture of him.

This 17-year-old(?) is a huge draw to the club. Why? Just look at him. His blonde hair, big brown eyes and short stature make him look like a child (and he knows it). He has a child-like voice (just listen to it in the anime), takes afternoon naps, owns a cuddly toy (which was made by his late grandmother (striking the heart strings already) and.... he loves cake (boy he love the cake!).

Really. He really likes the cake!

Look at that pile of empty plates!

In fact, he likes cake so much that for a few nights a week, he'll have "cake nights," which can only be described as extreme midnight snacking. But the thing is, he has to metabolism to eat a lot of cake and gain no weight at all. It's... kind of creepy..... (according to his younger brother Chika).

If cuteness were a weapon, he'll be an atomic bomb (and I use to term "weapon" for good reason, which I'll explain later). Now, when I first saw images from this series in Neo magazine back in 2009 "Honey" didn't stand out to me. I saw all the characters on a flat equal platform (a raised pink platform, as they were on the cover and the anime of subject in that month's main article).

Neo, Issue 56 - April 2009. Where I first heard of the host club.

But now that I have seen them move and talk on liquid crystal something about "Honey" hit me. He somehow remained me of someone. Another anime character from years ago. But who.....

Oh yes, now I remember. The character on the right eating noodles is Max Tate. And here's a few pictures.

Max Tate (left - series 1, middle series 2, right - series 3).

He is the youngest (12 when we first meet him back in series 1) member of the makeshift team of unlikely mates in an alternate universe the Bladebreakers. He is a good-natures, happy-go-lucky kind of guy (which, isn't surprising, considering he's half American). He is a bit of a flirt (It was once revealed that he dyed his hair to impress the girls, which may explain the slight change in shade from series to series (as seen in the pics above). If he were a dog, he'll defiantly be a golden Labrador. So, so far, he is like "Honey."

However, unlike "Honey," Max is not a big sweet tooth. His most noticeable food craving is mayonnaise (or mustard in the English Dub), which he has on everything and is very willing to have others try his dietary passion (to the annoyance to some....).

But if you browse the pages of Beyblade fan fiction on fanfiction.net (which numbers over 20,000 by the time of writing (which is surprising for such a series), putting it in the top 20 most written about franchises in the anime and manga group. Ouran High School Host Club is also in the top 20, just below Beyblade with over 18,500 in the time of writing) you'll find that Max is portrayed many times in a role similar to "Honey's." He is portrayed many times as a flirty sugar-crazed maniac. Here's a few examples that really show this characterization.

What-might-happen

Maxie-goes-to-the-Amusement-Park

Maxie-Plus-Sugar-equals-DISASTER

Max's-Sugar-High-Adventure

Maxie-Hood

You get the idea, especially that last one where Max (in a sugar high state) thinks he's Robin Hood (with hilarious results).

Despite the fact that Max has probably never been pictured eating a piece of cake, chocolate, candy or anything that most people can call "sweet" in any of the 150-odd episodes of the animated series (which I have watched for "research reasons") and the 14 volumes of manga first published from 1999-2004 (which I have flicked though also for  "research reasons") the fan fiction writers do so anyway. Why?

Its become such a cliche in this fan fiction forum that prominent Australian fan fiction writer AquilaTempestas wrote this chapter in the fan fiction "Dear Beyblade Authors," in 2012 imagining his disgust....

Chapter Two: Sincerely, Max

Dear FanFiction Authors,

Why do people think I'm always high on sugar? Do you think I'm a drug addict? Have you considered I might just be a happy person? I like noodles. NOODLES. Not sweets! Besides... sugar rush is a myth. Geez.

Yours sincerely, Max

Is there something about small white boys with blonde hair and big eyes that instantly sends a message that says "I'm a glucophile" (see Invented Word 2)? Their not children, their teenagers. And also, why is it the blonde, not the brunettes who get the cake. It seems a bit borderline racist. And this could seriously damage them (health-wise). They could be many blonde-haired Caucasians out their who are now diabetic because of girls feeding them so much sugar (sometimes against their will)! I'm worried about this. If these "kids" get overfed with sweet things (and are not careful) they'll soon lose their cuteness, which will affect their chances later in life. In extreme cases, they will become so obese that the only people who would make a pass on them in their late-teens will be elderly perverts.

With that in mind, could "Honey" or Max become a possible Chris Griffin? No. "Honey" is 17 and has the metabolism to process a lot of cake, so he will be fine. And if he did start building weight, he can easily get rid of it. Why? Remember that I said that "If cuteness were a weapon, he'll be an atomic bomb"? I said that with good reason. That is because, behind his cute exterior "Honey" is a fierce weapon of mass destruction. He is a martial arts black belt. In fact, beyond that! He was a champion before he entered high school and was head of the school's karate club, until he defeated his dad in a friendly fight. "Honey" proved so powerful that he was told not to fight, all-out, in public in risk of making Japan look like it had a secret weapon. It was this incident that led to "Honey" becoming part of the host club (no need to fight and all the delicious cake he could eat). Only occasionally you'll get to see this darker side of "Honey," as he's done a very good natural job hiding it. So what about Max? He never touched the stuff in the first place, so why are you worrying? The idea that he is a glucophile is your invention.

So what can we learn from this observation? First of all never assume that all cute-blonde-haired boys like sweet things and that even the most innocent-looking glucophile can have a dark side.

And now the final sketch, and as this entry has been about Ouran High School Host Club its about the misjerious Hitachiin twins Hikaru and Kaoru and their silly game of "Which one of us is Hikaru?" As twins who have perfected the art of been identical and been different at the same time, their childish game could easily be adapted as the final game in a daytime gameshow. 

(Sorry for the delay. A lot had happened at my end in the past two weeks which AFKed me.)

Acts of Cultural Vandalism #5 - Margret Thatcher 1925-2013

Former British prime minister Margret Thatcher has died. This is going to be tough to write and easy to write at the same time. This is because one - I'm Scottish (a group of people who were extremely affected by her economic policies) and two - I was born within the final years of her reign of terr...ific management so I didn't know much about her until well after it ended. But its generally going to be hard, because of her legacy and the fact her death just happened.
I am well aware that she's a person who really divides people in Britain and possibly outside Britain too (especially in the EU). She's a marmite figure, you either like her and her policies or hate her. But her significance means that even opinions of her are in the extremes.
Here's how extreme. Current prime minister David Cameron has called her a "Great Briton" which clearly shows that some see her as an equal to the other great leaders Britain has had, such as Elizabeth I and Winston Churchill. On the other extreme, the most vividly horrible thing I have ever heard anyone say about her was when the controversial Scottish comedian Frankie Boyle (surprise, surprise) said during an episode of Mock the Week concerning the the topic of whether Thatcher should have a state funeral.

From an episode of Mock the Week in 2008. 

A few people have uploaded copies of this clip within a day of the news of her death.

He suggested (in his usual sarcastically-toned politically-incorrect way) that instead of a state funeral, the money should be spent on giving every person in Scotland a shovel for them to dig a tunnel deep into the Earth for them to deliver her personally to satan (his words, not mine). Now, for a comedian to say such a joke (and for many people to find it funny), you have to really piss off a lot of people. I mean, entire communities. Entries towns, cities, counties or even countries for someone to say that. Its a good indicator on how influential Thatcher has been to Britain.
Another one will be the UK download chart success of the movie song "Ding Dong The Witch is Dead" from The Wizard of Oz, which I just heard may be in the top 10. The BBC is wondering wherever to play it on the Sunday chart show on Radio 1 if it does (its the Sex Pistols "God Save the Queen" controversy all over again).

Now, I like to point out (after stating the quotes of other people) that I am not one of those people who likes to call an individual "a great ______" (unless their is no opposition to the idea) or deserving to have their corpse sent to hell personally. I don't see famous people and people of high rank as "figureheads" or "celebrities." That applies that they are objects, like shiny sculptures or chess pieces that could be toppled in a game. I see them as human beings. Human beings that have got into a series of circumstances that led to where they are in society, the culture and history. And those human beings are animals that are driven by programmed behavior and instincts as well as genetics and upbringing in a chaotic universe. Its a more artistic and scientific way in analyzing people I kind of personally developed.

So, back to Margret Thatcher. I could just tell you my interpretation of her life story and actions, but someone has already beat me to it. Below is a recently shown Channel 4 documentary about her, which mostly explores her role in shattering the classic class barriers in Britain with liberal capitalism and why the upper classes (as well as the far-right) hate her because of it. If I was doing a documentary on Margret Thatcher  this is the angle I'll go for and how I would have done it (I'm not bias like most Scots. I look at both sides of the argument.).

MARGARET: DEATH OF A REVOLUTIONARY on 4oD

Martin Durkin's controversial thesis is that Margaret Thatcher was a working class revolutionary.

If you are a person who is unsure about her legacy (or isn't sure which side of the love her/hate her debate) I recommend you'll see this doc (among the others you have been found about her (and that slightly inaccurate 2011 Meryl Streep movie The Iron Lady), because you don't have time to read books (admit it!). It's an angle that's rarely portrayed or explored in the culture. Its been mostly the savior of Britain (and its bankbooks) or the demon who was set to destroy all that was good about Post-World War II Britain. She was the caring housewife who also run the place with an iron fist (she was called "the Iron Lady" for a reason). She destroyed working class communities by shutting down loss-making heavy industries while financially-liberating them by granting them rights to buy their council houses and buy shares in former nationalized enterprises. Can the culture make up its mind? I think it's too soon. It takes more than 20-odd years to see the true merits (or mistakes) in a way that everyone (left or right, rich or poor) can agree on.

So, what is my opinion on her and her actions? What do I think about Margret Thatcher, personally? To be honest... don't want to say. I don't really have an one-sided opinion on the ex-lady prime minister. I find how the cultures view and value her a more interesting subject to talk about than her actual actions and opinions during her life, like I have done just now. This is "Acts of Cultural Vandalism" not "Acts of Political Vandalism." You won't find any comments on individual politicians here. If you wanted that sort of thing, they are many other blogs online for you anyway (even ones that push the opinions to the extreme, if you could find them (which I won't, because I'm not interested)).

But, I'll say this. In 300 years time, I'll not be surprised that her face will appear on the money.

Now to the real reason why I'm writing this. For a few years, I had this idea in my head for an memorial for her. Its an idea that the Thatherites will like and will give her critics some satisfaction at the same time. Its simply, a statue of her made of iron (she was called "the Iron Lady" after all). But, the iron isn't treated for rust, so it'll rust overtime. The rust is open to interpretation to whoever looks at it. But that isn't the only clever bit. With the possibility of someone stealing it for its scrap value, it's theft will say something about her legacy of free market economics. And I know the perfect location for it - Ravenscraig, the former site of the largest steelworks in Western Europe (until economic reforms closed it down in 1992). Its the perfect location. It once dealt with iron, its closure was was an indirect result of her actions (some of Britain's steel industry is still going strong today) and its going to be in a town that's full of people who would happy to see it rust, defaced or stolen. Is it a good idea? Is there a better place for such an memorial? What do you think?

A thought concerning dog genetics

Crufts (one of the biggest events for dog lovers in the year) is on the telly now and it jogged my memory about something years ago.

In 2008 the BBC aired the documentary Pedigree Dogs Exposed, which showed that thanks to years of inbreeding and desire for unnatural features, many pure-breed dogs are suffering severe and deadly genetic disorders... like the Habsburgs. 

Of course, such a documentary created controversy in dog breeding circles and kennel clubs. One result of which (which is why it has jogged my memory) is that Crufts isn't on the BBC anymore. Its now on one of the commercial channels (I thinks it hops channels every year or so). 

Apart from dog lovers having their coverage of Crufts interrupted by TV commercials (which may include some audio messages that only dogs can hear for certain brands of dog food (I'm joking, the but the motive and means exist), the documentary had me thinking about the long term consequences of such deadly inbreeding. If such inbreeding continues that the dog (as a species) dies out, humans will move to breed other animals, most likely cats. When cats die of inbreeding, its a matter of time when someone has the idea of breeding apes for domestication. This will lead to someone breeding intelligence in them and that could result in a revolution that'll enslave the human race. In others word (to sum up) the inbreeding of dogs is the first step in a series of events that'll led to ... The Planet of the Apes!

Who would have thought it. The acts of irresponsible dog breeders would lead to Charlton Heston on that beach saying "Damn you all to hell!" in front of a ruined Statue of Liberty. 

This is a thought I had soon after this documentary came out, so its an old thought.

Since that time, things have improved for dogs, with improved restrictions on what is desirable on dog shows. They are still some irresponsible breeders out there who are (unintentionally) going to cause the enslavement of all humans by intelligent apes, so if you are a pet lover (and don't want your descendants been slaves to the sons of Caesar, the chimp that said "no") be careful where you buy your dogs! The future of the human race (and dogs (and possibly cats as well)) depends on you.

Before I end, I like to point out that I like animals (including dogs), my sister owns three Huskies and many relatives who own pets themselves, so no accusations that I don't know anything about animals (let alone dogs). Anyone who studies high school biology (including me and my sister) knows that inbreeding is a bad idea for any species (including dogs (and cats)).

Pokemon Snowmen

Here's a question. It's snowing and you are an avid Pokemon fan. Which Pokemon should I model? Of the 500-odd creatures to choose from, what is the best to model in the medium of snow? An ice-type (for the obvious reason). A water-type (which would work when the snow starts to thaw), like this well-sculpted Blastoise.

A Pokemon that's white in colour, like this Togepi?

Or something very ambitious or showy, like this Mewtwo one.

Or this very good one.

I'm sure this is a Pokemon, because of its design, but I have no idea what Pokemon this is. 

It's likely to be one of the legendary ones of the later generations, 

but I can't find it in my resources on this image alone. 

Or (the most obvious of all) a Pikachu.

But I think I just found the best snowman you could make. The inspiration came from this picture sent in by a reader to Pocket World Magazine (I occasionally buy it to add to my archive and for my nephew).

A Ditto snowman by James Harvey (aged 10) (from Pocket World Magazine Issue 140 March 2013)

A Ditto. Its perfect. Its simple. It requires little snow to make (ideal for when your urge to create is delayed to when the snow starts to thaw) and (and this is the best bit) its the only Pokemon that can have its ability truly acted out in the medium of snow - transform (but you may require a lot of snow if you plan to transform Ditto into something large (like a Gyarados)).

I like to point out that the Pokemon snowmen images were looked up on Google Images (so I have no idea who made them (except to Ditto)).

Additional note - I just remembered the Zorua and the Zoroark, the recently discovered creatures that can also transform. However, they are difficult to build, as they are fox-like animals on four legs and a lot of hair.

Acts of Cultrual Vandalism #3 - A thought about monster-human unity

I just had a thought. You know in the fictional worlds where monsters, like vampires, werewolves, various demons, and so on, exist? They are usually in conflict with human beings. Some of these people (and I use the word "people" for good reason) usually see themselves as somehow "superior" over mere humans, like white people use to have over everyone else until World War II.
But here's my thought. What if an alien from outer space visited this version of Earth and saw these "monsters" (and I use the quotation marks for good reason) and then saw actual humans, that alien wouldn't tell the difference. Their intelligent (and I use the term "intelligent" loosely to consider the wide spectrum of intelligence levels in the world (Stephen Hawking to Homer Simpson)), (mostly) bipedal creatures with two forward-looking eyes, small noses to have expressional faces, omnivore diets (though some of their teeth can suggest other diets), high vocal ranges (especially the Sirens) and (the most noted feature by humans) various features that have been shaped by human sexual tastes (I don't need to tell you what these things are).

And that's just the biology. Their behavior can be described as similar to humans. If you research human behavior, the many of things you'll find out can also be applied to "monsters" too.  (It's not surprising  since much of this fiction was created and inspired by humans.)

Now, with all this in mind, the boundary between "monster" and human is actually more blurred than you may think.

(But what about witches some of you may ask? Technically, they are individuals with special knowledge, like scientists. They can be neither human or "monster" depending on their genetics. On that note, what about human-"monster" hybrids? Threat them as mixed-raced people? Yes, but not in a racist way! Mixed relationships are on the rise (and I welcome it) so live with it, morons.)

Now, to end this thought, I'm going to follow the example set by Adam Hills. To all those "monsters" who have little regard of their fellow human and humans who think these "monsters" are all menaces that must be dealt with who may be reading this.... DON'T BE DICKS!!!

If an advanced alien race decide to invade Earth and enslave humanity, they will also enslave what have been degradingly-called "monsters" as well, as they don't care about things like supernatural abilities or unholy or in-moral activities. They'll clump you all together indiscriminately and you'll all then have a common cause in a  fight against your invaders. So to make this transition to harmony happen before such a thing happens to us all DON'T BE DICKS!!!

And now a word from our sponsors....

Have a guess who they are. 

For everyone who has worked it out, before you ask I didn't draw the boobs because I'm not that childish!

A topical Christmas card December 2012

For anyone who hasn't the time to make a card this year and wants to rub it in that the 2012  apocalypse didn't happen.

It's my gift to you all (I already e-mailed it to my friends).

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

One month to the end of the World

As we are one month away from the Apocalypse (if you one of those people who believe in that misinterpreted Mayan calender stuff or are concerned about that newly discovered wondering planet, which has made Professor Brian Cox very pissed by the number of twits he's getting from you) I have a few spanners I like to throw into the conspiracy works.

Is it me, or is it a coincidence that the supposed date of the end of the world coincides with the 25th anniversary of the Lockerbie bombing?

And here's a few more events that happen to coincide with the end of the world...

(I may have got the numbers wrong, but they are close)

The 894th birthday of Archbishop  Thomas Becket
The 737th anniversary of the death of  Giovanni Boccaccio
The 392nd anniversary of the landing of the Mayflower at Plymouth Rock, Massachusetts
The 208th birthday of  Benjamin Disraeli
The 199th birthday of Archbishop Archibald Campbell Tait
The 172nd anniversary of the founding of the Rochdale Society of Equitable Pioneers
The 105th anniversary of the Santa Maria School Massacre in Chile
The 99th anniversary of the publication of the world's first crossword puzzle
The 75th anniversary of the premiere of Walt Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
The 72nd anniversary of the death of F. Scott Fitzgerald
The 50th anniversary of the finding of Rondane National Park, Norway
The 45th anniversary of the death of  Louis Washkansky
The 44th anniversary of the launch of Apollo 8
The 33rd anniversary of the signing of the  Lancaster House Agreement
The 20th anniversary of the crash of Martinair Flight 495
The 18th anniversary of the eruption of Popocatepeti, Mexico.

In fact, here's a list to sieve through yourself.

Wikipedia - December 21st

With such information, I'm sure all your conspiracy nuts could think of something that connects all these events (no matter how far-fetched). It'll give you something to do while you wait for the end of the world (and trying to find a way around that security system that's preventing you from stowing away on that rocket ship/ ark that's been built in a secret location to protect the best of the best from Earth (or whoever's got the most money)).

Although, recent excavations of the Mayan kingdom do show some evidence that the Mayans knew that some of us will assume the world is about to end because of their calculations. In fact, one recently discovered scribble on a wall has been translated and said "The simpletons will think this will mean the end of the world. What a jabe that will be - Bazinga!"

The BBC is 90

The BBC is now 90 years old. To celebrate, the BBC's various radio stations broadcast this message at 5:33pm on 14th November 2012.

What would the guys who built and run transmitter 2LO would have made of Orson Welles, Spike Milligan, Douglas Adams and Chris Moyles?

Its great that you are now 90, but sadly much of my radio listening is dominated by local commercial stations.  Today, I mostly change station during my listening time (thanks to digital push-button memory tuning) if the one I'm listening to is playing a song I don't like or a commercial.
But I wasn't always like that. During my high school days, I tuned in to the radio almost every weeknight Monday to Thursday to listen to Tiger Tim Stevens on Clyde 1. I do have fond memories of those nights (Except Fridays, as this was when George Bowie did his dance club music show (I wasn't into dance music then... or clubbing)).

My listening habits changed in 2006, when I got my first MP3 player (a small black 4Gb Archos Gemini XS10D).

I (mostly) stopped listening to the radio after that. But I still got my music fix. I have upgraded since (from two Sony Walkman MP4 players (the first one was destroyed in the washer when I left it in my pocket) to a massive 160Gb iPod Classic).

This is Gordon Wallace signing off now.

(Play end tune)

Ooohhh, oh oh oh oh oh oooohhhhh! Bye bye....!