Act of Cultural Vandalism - 25 Years and they haven't aged a bit - Why?

Unless you have been living in an nuclear fallout shelter in the past 25 years because you really thought the bomb will drop (like Brendan Fraser in the movie Blast from the Past) you will have heard about The Simpsons plus the fact its their 25th anniversary (well, 27th if you count the shorts on The Tracey Ullman Show).

Since "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire", the show has become a pillar of American TV culture (particularly the one holding up the Fox network, due to its shoddy foundations). It's success has led to a series of comics books, a number of video games, a few music albums, a number 1 hit single, a movie, a wheelbarrow's worth of Emmys, and even the ultimate accolade - a ride in Universal Studios (and a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame).
It has gained a lot of cultural power. It has introduced a number of words and phrases in the dictionary, most notably D'oh! and the idea that the French are "Cheese-eating surrender monkeys."

(I like to point out that, according to history (and Stephen Fry), the French have had a successful battle record in the 19th century. According to another source of historical accuracy (the Hetalia: Axis Powers web manga series) its the Italians who deserve to be called cheese-eating.. I mean, pasta-eating surrender monkeys. Don't blame me, blame Hidekaz Himaruya for pointing this out.)

The Simpsons are everywhere (in over 200 countries in fact). They have been seen on T-shirts, slippers, fridge magnets, TV ads for butterfingers, Even Marge made an appearance on the cover of Playboy magazine. You have really made it when you appear on the cover of Playboy (like Drew Barrymore and the Commodore PET).

With such cultural power The Simpsons has had a huge influence on TV. The show is credited for resurrecting animation as a medium on prime-time television. It's thanks to The Simpsons we have Family Guy, South Park, The Critic, King of the Hill, and (especially) Futurama. There's even a Georgian "copy" of The Simpsons (the ultimate accolade for a successful show - been copied by another country).

"The Simpsons created an audience for prime-time animation that had not been there for many, many years ... As far as I'm concerned, they basically re-invented the wheel. They created what is in many ways—you could classify it as—a wholly new medium." - Seth MacFarlane, Vanity Fair (2008)

But its influence isn't limited to to animation. It has influenced live-action show too. British director Edgar Wright (for example) has admitted that his sitcom Spaced was "an attempt to do a live-action The Simpsons."

One reason for its influence is its longevity. The show has been a staple on Fox's schedules since December 1989. This has earned the show the world record for world's longest running animated TV show. However, this actually depends on what you mean by "long-running". The show first gained the world record when it's episode count surpassed The Flintstones in 1997. In 2004 it gained the longest running sitcom title by surpassing the episode count of The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet. But then it briefly lost the longest animated show title to Scooby-Doo, but got it back when execs cancelled the dog show (for a while). In 2009 it gained the record for longest running scripted prime-time show on US TV - chronologically. It took the record from Gunsmoke by been on TV for more years than the western did. But if The Simpsons manage to stay on screen every year until 2018 it will been Gunsmoke in episode count. 

That is, if you exclude the "non-American" parts of TV land. The record for longest-running animated TV show outside the US is the Japanese weekly anime Sazae-san, which is as old as Monty Python (Really, they both began broadcasting in the same month - October 1969). I highly doubt The Simpsons will beat Sazae-san's 20-year head start. I can't think of over 3,000 possible plots for The Simpsons (Sazae-san aired its 3,000 episode in 2008), despite the claim of this episode of South Park. But the longevity of Sazae-san does prove a point I remember been said by either Jimmy Perry  or David Croft (the creators BBC sitcoms Dad's Army and Hi-de-Hi!) about how to achieve a long successful comedy show - set it in the past. The jokes will last long as they will be already dated. 

On the subject of aging jokes, despite been on for 25 years, the Simpson family themselves have never aged. Its the classic cliche about animated cartoons, as observed in this classic clip...

Bart watches Pokemon while doing homework in "Postcards from the Wedge" (2010)

There's even a Doctor Who crossover fan fiction that tackles this very issue. It's worth reading (despite been unfinished by the time of writing). 

However, as The Simpsons continue to appear on our TV screens, I am aware that there is a huge debate that the quality of the show has fallen since the late-1990s, with a noticeable shift from character-led plots to crazy antics. Admittedly, I am a fan of crazy stuff, which is why unlike a number of early fans, I have endured the show's later years, including the Family Guy crossover show. But even I know everything can't last forever.

So, how come a show set in the present lasted for so long? This video may provide an answer....

The Simpsons explain why they are still on the air (1992)

History note - In 1990 Fox (seeing the success of their yellow family show) decided to create headlines by moving the show to the same time The Cosby Show was on NBC (which was the highest rated programme on the US TV at the time), thus creating  ratings war. Because of this, they are a number of references to The Cosby Show in the show, most notability the character of Dr Hibbert. 

I thought you like to know this, so you can (while reading this) ignore what has happened to Bill recently, as it is IRREVERENT TO WHAT I'M SAYING HERE.

So, what can we learn from The Simpsons longevity? Mike Scully has said this in an interview in 2007 "Lower your quality standards. Once you've done that you can go on forever." Enough said.

But things can't last forever, no matter how low its quality quality, which is why I like to say this. I have a feeling that the show's end is coming soon. I have no concrete evidence of this. I haven't got access to North Korean hackers who could break into Fox's computer systems and get validation of this. I'm basing my gut feeling on one observation - the plot of this episode (airing in January 2015) was first written by Judd Apatow back in 1990. The writers must have been desperate for ideas to salvage this one from their "ideas bin." What better sign you can get for a long-running TV show coming to an end than recycling an idea they had once rejected back during their "pre-shark-jump" years. 

Fortunately, if the end is coming soon, Al Jean has a plan for the perfect ending of this long-running show. 

So there you have it. 25 years of Do'h!s, Mmmmm!s, Aye Curumba!s, suckle suckle's and... "If anyone needs me, I'll be in my room."

And now the final sketch, and its a sketch with a story...

Back in 2009 (during the show's 20th anniversary) their was a competition to design a poster celebrating it. I had a great idea for it, but because, at the time, I was in college creating two interactive apps for my multimedia course, I wasn't able to make it. I did plan to have it made as an Illustrator gif by Christmas that year as a gift to all my friends, but time caught up with me and it laid unfinished... until now. I had been busy this year so their was a chance this couldn't have been made in time for Christmas. But I did it, thanks to a big decision - its not an Illustrator gif (that will have taken forever to make). It is in my classic hand-drawn style (kind of like when The Simpsons were first made back in 1989, long before computers took over). I admit it is a bit rushed, but its a bit more fitting don't you think? Adds authenticity (if you consider Photoshop as a hand-tool).

Happy Holidays everyone!

A strip about Autism for NAS Times newsletter (November 2014)

The following "strip" is an A3 size version of a strip I have got published for the 

November 2014 issue of the newsletter NAS Times.

If you like this, and like me to do "strips" on other subjects write your suggestions in the comments.

For your suggestion to appear in the next issue of NAS Times, you must submit it by January 2015.

(I need time to choose the subject and make it!)

A possible solution to fracking progress

There is a lot of talk about fracking, the process where engineers pump liquid into the ground to open up tiny pockets of natural gas in the rocks to capture it for commercial and domestic use. Its an understatement that environmentalists are concerned about the use of this process. As it involves pumping liquid into the ground, soil and ground water contamination is a obvious side effect, plus, as the pumped liquid is pressurized enough to break rocks, it could cause micro-earthquakes, which is bad news for moles, rabbits, wombles or anything else that lives underground.

One well publicized side effect to fracking is that people living near fracking operations who relay on groundwater as their water supply have experienced more than just water coming out their taps...

One of many videos under the search results "fracking water fire"

Of course almost everyone who has seen such clips are shocked that this is happening. But just recently I had a thought about this phenomenon. One way to have great ideas is to look at problems at a different angle, in this case turning a negative into a potential positive. To everyone who is experiencing gassy waterworks, hear these words...

Connect your taps to a tank and collect that gas. With some tinkering you could pipe this gas into your existing gas system. That's right, you now have a free supply of natural gas straight from the ground. If you can manage to live off this FREE GAS, you can successfully boycott the gas companies that are fracking your local sub-terrain. With the loss of profits due to people living off their free gas they have to cut down their expensive fracking operations. 

It's just an idea. I'm not sure if there's any bureaucratic red tape that prevents such protesting plumbing from happening. But if there is nothing stopping you form doing so... well I can't be held responsible for giving people the idea. And if the gas companies complain about you doing this, you can just say "Well, you started it by fracking my ground."

Its such a simple idea, I'm surprised that I have not heard about it from someone else. I came up with it on my own. I'm sure someone else must have thought about it, but I don't want to contaminate my internet history by finding out.  

I'm on Facebook ... the shame

A few days ago I did something I thought I would never resort to...  I started to use Facebook.

An old friend of mine once e-mailed me back in 2009 asking me to join it. I set up the account and then after a thought about what exactly I was doing I abandoned it.

Why I abandoned it? Its because I find the idea of social network sites questionable. We all know the stories people hijacking other peoples accounts, stalkers, surprise guests at parties and many other stories of the like that usually have "Facebook" in the newspaper headline. We all know the privacy issues raised by use of such web services. We know that every image that is upload on Facebook automatically becomes the property of Mark Zuckerberg. Its all of this plus many other reasons why I don't like social network sites. Also, because I'm not naturally the social type, so I don;t see the point of me using Facebook

But last week I got an e-mail from Facebook (I do get them regularly to incise me back, like junk-mail vouchers and catalogs.) and one of the friends listed was one I really wanted to look up for years. That was how they got me. I have begun to use it and got around to load up images for the avatar.

I can hear my past self calling me a traitor.

But I'm not stupid. I'm not going to upload any of my great work on that site. I'm not giving them away to Mr Zuckerberg for free. I'm saving them for this blog. I'm just going to write the occasional comment and maybe the occasional image (nothing great, just so and so stuff). 

But all the best stuff is going up here. Nowhere else. I may post links to it on Facebook as advertising, but I want most of my visitors to stumble upon it by chance. So there you have it. 

I'm on Facebook.... the shame.

Mini Act of Cultural Vandalism - Its Armageddon Time... for Cancer

During an ad break for The Last Leg on Channel 4 on Friday 5th September this ad premiered...

It's Payback Time - Stand Up to Cancer Trailer - Channel 4 (2014)

What an angle to take. For years (as far as there been charity ad campaigns against cancer) all cancer awareness ads had only been (like all other diseases) about the victims. They had been mostly somber in tone, like this one...

Mirrors - Cancer Research UK ad (2000s)

But within the past decade (as survival rates for cancer have increased dramatically) that tone has become more positive...

Birthday - The American Cancer Society ad (late-2000s)

Even threatening (for sentient cancer cells)....

'Cancer, we're coming to get you' - Cancer Research UK Race for Life  TV ad (2013)

In fact, if you look at the many ads covering the subject, cancer is quite an unique cause when it comes to how its advertised, Think about it. Can you think of any other medical condition who's awareness campaign includes reviving famous victims, such as the British comedian Bob Monkhouse.

Bob Monkhouse Prostate Cancer ad (2007)

The reason for this tiny exploration in advertising is that (if you haven't heard what the most recent crop of cancer ads have been saying) is that by the time of writing the number of people surviving cancer and dying from cancer has now about equaled. This means that if you (hopefully not) discover a lump somewhere or have a doctor give you the bad news, the chances of you not been killed by it are (generally) about 50:50 (please note that this is a gross generalization and that the survival rates of various forms of cancer vary - with much with the odds in your (living) favor). 

But there is room for improvement. A "one size fits all" treatment is still a bit far away. But this is a too negative point of view. More positive view is this....

The fact that cancer has become the big killer and (as a result) the big health concern as it is now is a sign of progress. A century earlier, infectious diseases (Such as TB, malaria and flu) were the biggest killers. Cancer was rarely heard of (except in freak shows, where the few who did and developed huge sightly growths due to lack of treatment could earn a living). This is mostly because of the increase in life expectancy due to advances in health and medicine in the past century. Without them, not many people would have lived long enough for the tiny mutations caused by lifestyle choices (such as smoking) or environmental factors (such as the presence of asbestos) to turn the subject cells into uncontrollably-multiplying units that contribute nothing to the body except take up space and choke it, like junk in a spare room. You know them better as "tumors."

That's the high school biologist in me there speaking. 

In conclusion, I do hope cancer becomes a history lesson one day. Its a condition that (on the looks of it) shouldn't happen to any organism. It is an effect caused by a spanner been thrown into the fundamental mechanism of life - DNA. The more we can do to stop that spanner from doing its damage (or deal with the carnage it causes) the better for us all. 

But on a lighter note, I love the ad I started this post with. It is truly original in angle (form the cancer cell's point of view) and its execution (the cancer treatment is the cause of the end of (their) world). 

It's Armageddon time... for cancer.

A Respectable Act of Cultural Vandalism - Robin Williams (1951-2014)

It's saddened to hear that the great comedic genius that is Robin McLaurin Williams has died. He has gone the same way as David Carradine and Isadora Duncan and joined the choir invisible (though the reasons for their strangling were very different to his). 

Before I continue this tribute, I know that some of you may not like the idea of jokes in a tribute of a dead person, but Robin is a comedian form the same school as Monty Python, and (using Graham Chapman's memorial service as a example) it is something Robin would have wanted. 

They are a lot of anecdotes about Robin's talent, but the best one I can think of now was this one said back in July by Adam Savage (my doppelganger born 20 years earlier) on his "Still Untitled Project" on Tested.com

Favorite Adaptations - Still Untitled: The Adam Savage Project - 7/01/2014

(The anecdote in question begins on 22:00)

Before I continue (again) I like to say that the movie Bicentennial Man (despite been panned by critics at the time and been a flop in the box office due to (according to Robin) lackluster marketing and a cut in the film's budget by Disney (the owners of Touchstone Pictures) that resulted in a lowering of quality) is a good film. I think it's better than the original novella (which I have read) as the film includes more emotion. 

This is a truly sad loss for me as he has been a big part of my childhood and was responsible for a part of my sense of humour. I saw him as Mork in Mork & Mindy, the Genie in Aladdin, the Adult Peter Pan in Hook, Alan Parriah in Jumanji, the advance aging kid in Jack, and (of course) as Mrs Doubtfire. In my later years marveled his acting talent in films like Dead Poets Society and Man of the Year.

I would have loved to have met him (alive, of course, but the zombie version of him might be an interesting sight (how it would compare to Bill Murray in Zombieland I don't know until I see it (Them becoming zombies, not the film.))). In fact, back in primary school, me and a friend thought about doing a comic strip adventure about us meeting him. I only drew the first frame of us in the airport introducing the story. Maybe because of that (and the fact my heart wasn't fully into that project (and also it was my final year in primary school)) the project didn't go further and I forgot about it until just now as I am writing this. I can assume that any physical evidence of this project is all gone. Probably put in some shredder years ago to clear out the cupboards in St Lucy's Primary. I wanted to do something involving anthropomorphic animals, but the teacher said we'll do that after the Robin Williams story. Sigh.

So anyway, here is my tribute post to Robin Williams. 

Mini Act of Cultural Vandalism - Leave the window open or the dog would melt

Hot Cars Kill Dogs campaign video from Dogs Trust (2014)

I recently found out about this internet campaign from the UK animal welfare charity Dogs Trust (formerly known as the National Canine Defense League). It tackles a problem every person involved n or concerned about animal welfare gets angry about every summer - dogs trapped in cars on sunny days. 

They are no actual statistics on how many dogs die in such a preventable way (I tried typing "how many dogs die in hot cars each year" into Google and I got nothing. Not a single number.). But the high school biologist in me knows why it happens. A human could withstand the heat inside a hot car (though some children have died in hot cars (38 a year in the US, according to this website.)). This is because humans sweat. Dogs can't sweat. That is why they stick their tongues out when their exhausted... or hot. The lack of sweat glands can limit their ability to withstand heat. But many humans don't know this fact and assume that a few minutes in a car will be fine because it was fine for them. It's only when they return to a car containing a dead dig that they realize how wrong their assumption was. 

What got me seeing this video was how devilishly simple the idea is - a time lapse of a ice sculpture of a dog melting in a car. What struck me was how come no one had thought of this until 2014? Its so obvious. The charity has been around since 1891 (just when cars were beginning to scare horses and running over small animals on the road). Why now? But I guess the dog in hot car problem didn't exist until fully enclosed passenger compartments began to be the norm in the 1920s (before most cars were convertibles). Also, it would have been expensive to set up a time lapse camera (something a charity can't afford to do (until now)).

It is a brilliant idea that illustrates a common problem in the world and I applaud it. But the cinematographer in me sees need for improvement, such as engraving a name on the collar (something in the theme of ice, such as "Frozo") and ending the video with a close-up on the collar showing the dog's name. But please ignore it and not take it as an insult, because they have made something great. It deserves an award of some sort for its simplest and execution. Dogs Trust, I salute to you. 

And now the behind the scenes footage featuring Rico and Lolly...

Act of Cultural Vandalism - Does Germany winning mean gambling is good?

National Council on Problem Gambling ad from Singapore (2014)

On the 13th July the final of the FIFA World Cup in Rio, Brazil took place with an astounding victory for Germany against Argentina. Now, usually I don't take notice of things in the world of sports (I didn't know Andy Murray won Wimbledon until a day after his win). But Germany's victory in the World Cup has had an unexpected effect in Singapore. 

For a few weeks Singapore's National Council on Problem Gambling ran an anti-gambling advertising campaign featuring a boy (named Andy) whose dad bet his live savings on whoever wins the World Cup.

So, which team did he bet on? 

NCPG ad web banner (2014)

Germany. The team that actually won the World Cup. Andy's dad must have been over the moon by the sudden windfall. Not surprisingly, as soon as people learnt about this ad campaign (with the miracle of hindsight of knowing of Germany's victory) some had altered it to show Andy's Dad minting it and to tell Andy to "stop whining." 

For a bit more see this Reuters article and look at a few others as well (I'm not doing all the work for you!). 

But what happened to this ad campaign made me ponder. They say that they choose Germany for the ad to add realism to the message. It wouldn't have worked if they made up a team. And it would have worked if Germany had lost, but the NCPG couldn't have had foreseen Germany's luck that year. 

So I thought about this idea. Instead of just one ad, the NCPG could have ran two or multiple ads featuring different dads betting on different teams. This will have sorted the unlikely outcome of the dad in the one single ad winning the bet. But then I realized a problem. With multiple dads betting on different teams, viewers will wonder which one would win. Instead of discouraging gambling, this idea will encourage the very thing it was trying to stop. It's like an anti-smoking campaign giving out free cigarettes. Or a drink-driving campaign where people are asked to sample various alcoholic drinks and then asked to drive a car (to a test track, of course). 

Hang on. That drink-driving idea could actually be doable. But by using the same technology that makes Testing Britains Worst Drivers: Crash Course possible. If you haven't have seen it, some pretty bad drivers are placed in a telepresence set up that allows them to control a life-size remote-controlled car on a test track like they are actually in it. But after getting use to it they are confronted with their bad driving by another remote controlled car that crashes into them. Its a shocking experience for the driver, so I can imagine my drink-drive campaign working equally well. I could go on about this idea, but I should finish this post with something about gambling.

So here are my thoughts about gambling in general. Looking at human nature and human history, gambling is a natural thing for humans to do. Its a result of our pre-farming/supermarket years of hunting our food. There is no 100% guarantee that you'll eat today, so you had to gamble if that antelope is catchable, as if you didn't, you'll starve. We still have that brain wiring today (though what some of us we hunt now is different, like that Charizard card). So what has hunting got to do with gambling? Think about it. If faced with a African plain for a few hours and you'll see only one small antelope (and your hungry), would you try to get that antelope, or wait a while in the hope of encountering a more fatter antelope with a broken leg? Play safe or take the risk? That's gambling. Taking risks. We take risks all the time, from crossing roads to temporary ignoring speed limits when in a hurry. Although some people will frown upon speed limit breakers and pedestrians who don't use zebra crossings, when gambling involves money and/or doing humiliating things that is when the moral panic lot go mental. They are a lot of stories about people who have become ruined wrecks (financially) as a result of gambling. Most middle class people who read such stories wonder "why do people do this?" Why do people become addicted to gambling? But I'll add this observation. Most of the people you hear about in such stories are neither unemployed or in remedial jobs. Also, if you remember your history, many aristocrats dabbled with a few games of poker. So why mostly them? It's our risk-taking hunter past that is responsible. Gambling has filled a daily need of risk taking that was once satisfied by the daily hunt. Most middle class people are immune to gambling because they have a job that involves risk taking and problem solving, such as stock trading or computer programming (I know that a few of them do gamble, but I'm just rounding off observations.). But if you are in a routine that is unchanging everyday, such as working on an assembly line or (in the case of many aristocrats and unemployed people) doing nothing, you face almost no risk at all. And for the hunter programs in the brain it's boring. The brain craves the frill of taking risks, and that results in those people taking up gambling and, as a result, get addicted. Don't believe me? Ask Desmond Morris. He said this very observation in The Naked Ape.

But here's an additional note of my own. In the past (I'm speculating here.) the problem of gambling addiction was more manageable, as it was a social activity involving friends or rivals. This had the advantage that if you wanted your money back you could beg for it back or (I'll let your imagination fill in this blank). Today, on the other hand, most gambling addicts have their fix using machines. Their honesty and security (for the sake of their owners) makes them more trustworthy, making gamblers more willing to use them. But you can't beg a machine for your money back (and the owners won't like you taking a sledge hammer to their machines).
What I'm saying is that gambling is a human activity and it should involve humans. It should be a social activity, not an isolated one. And it shouldn't be done through machines. A human must be in the mechanism to allow the possibility of begging/cheating, making the game more interesting.
But a more constructive idea would be to find alternative means for the risk craving brain to channel its cravings, such as competing in sports or writing a novel or sitcom in the hope a publisher or producer would like it (we need more writers to end the epidemic of reality TV shows).

If you can think of other suggestions, I'll be welcome to them in comments. And now a final sketch...

This idea was too tempting to do, so here it is to add to the endless pile of anti-smoking ads.

I will be AFKed for a while so don't expect anything new in the next month or so. And don't worry, Cat is still alive and well.

Mini Act of Cultural Vandalism - A nostalgic song sung by Holo the Wise Wolf and Gonzo

Here's a mini act of cultural vandalism. Last month I purchased and watched the first season of the anime adaptation of Spice and Wolf. What caught my ears was the end credits tune.

End tune of Spice and Wolf season 1 (2008)

When I heard this it reminded me of the song in this episode of Muppet Babies....
(you will need to fast forward it to reach the tune in question).

Muppet Babies season 2 episode 13 "When You Wish Upon a Muppet" (1985)

I first encountered this very episode as a VHS tape during my childhood, so it's a very nostalgic memory that tune revoked.

To save time looking for it, here's the full song with karaoke lyrics.

Ringo Hiyori: The wolf Whistling Song by Rocky Chack (karaoke version)

Please excuse the lack of text, as this is just a quick entry. May be more in future.

Fictional Book #3 Forever Reborn by theakapanda

A couple of years ago when I first encountered fanfiction.net, one story that caught my eye was this...

Forever Reborn

by theakapanda

Published in 2005 by the South African writer who calls himself "theakapanda," Forever Reborn deals with the concept of human cloning and the lengths upper class hierarchies would take for their name to continue. High brow sci-fi stuff so far. Been a fan fiction it has to involve a beloved franchise or character, and in this story the character in question is.... (drum roll please)

 Kai Hiwatari from Beyblade

(sigh) Yes, Kai Hiwatari..... the Chris Waddle of this blog. (Its not a reference about his performance in sport, its a reference that he gets mentioned a lot on The Fast Show.) He is the grandson of a rich heartless owner of a multimillion corporation that deals mostly with military hardware and research in cybernetics. Research that has gone well past the line that marks off when a scientific endeavor is borderline ethical (or "morally grey").  In the series, Kai has dabbled into his granddad's "crazy schemes for world domination" as a subject. He didn't become a cyborg (been the boss's grandson) but the rough training (which borderlines to torture) he got in Balkov Abbey made him one of the toughest beybladers (Jeremy Clarkson pause) in the world. As you can tell from this episode in his past, his relationship with his granddad ins't that good. If you have watched the series, like I have (for research purposes), the idea of his granddad cloning him to make a fresh start in insuring his legacy isn't that farfetched. 

But, there is another thing about Kai that makes him the ideal character in this story, and its referenced in the title. Kai is the owner of a bit-beast (just click the link. I have incriminated myself too much already in this entry.) that is in the form of a phoenix (the mythical firebird that has the ability to "regenerate" after death, so it'll never die). By been cloned, Kai becomes a sort of metaphoric phoenix. That's enough about the story.

The main reason for my interest in this story is the title, Forever Reborn. Its the sort of title you'll expect to find on a novel that is on sale in an airport bookshop. With that in mind, I think this story needs a book cover worthy of a good novel. A cover that'll look good on the shelves of an airport bookshop. In fact, here's several designs.....

I will make more designs for this book, so please bear with me.

Fictional Book #2 Blood, Magic, and Silver by Gordon Wallace

While doing the cover for Candy, Milk, and Iron I had this idea....

I'll leave you all to work out what the blood, the magic and the silver refer to.

Fictional Book #1 Candy, Milk, and Iron by Randall Munroe

Something I look up on the internet regularly is the What if? page on the xkcd web comic site. On this page, xkcd's creator (and former NASA roboticist) Randall Munroe would answer  hypothetical questions sent in by readers in a scientific (plus humorous) way.

Questions and scenarios the site has covered include...

What is the power output of Yoda?

Is it possible to retrieve Voyager 1 today?

How many printers will you need to update a printed Wikipedia?

If the Earth somehow began to expand 1cm in radius every second, how long would people take to notice?

Why can't Steve Brodovicz's daughter Keira, have a 1billion-story building?

and the classic...

What if everyone on Earth was at one place and all jumped at the same time? 

(That last one is a favorite of mine. In this scenario, everyone is transported to Rhode Island (the home of the Griffin family (and everyone else in Family Guy)) and after explaining what happens when they jump, he then explains the chaotic carnage that results when you transport everyone on Earth to the same place. Yelp, Randall thinks of the bits others neglect to think about.)

It was while reading one in that went out in May 2014 (What if all the pollen in the sky suddenly ignited?) that I found this text window....

screengrab from What if? page of xkcd (May 2014)

For those who can't make out the text, it says....

"Candy, Milk, and Iron was my unsucessful self-published follow-up to Jared Diamond's Guns, Germs, and Steel."

Guns, Germs, and Steel is a Pulitzer Prize winning non-fiction book by American science polymath Jared Diamond. It was so good that National Geographic produced a documentary based on it in 2005.

It will take me ages to explain in detail what the book is about, but I can sum it up in a way. It is about how a number of factors, from climate and geography to farming and technology, allowed the "civilizations" of Eurasia (plus Africa and the Americas) to become what they are and dominate the "primitive" tribes. The title references three key factors in his argument. The guns represent military superiority through more advanced weapons. The germs represent the diseases that tribes that mastered domestication got exposed to, became immune to, and then (unintentionally most of the time, due to lack of knowledge of bacteria and viruses)  used to wipe out "inferiors." And finally, the steel represents more robust transport systems, such as roads and railways.

(Please note: While writing this I have never read the book or seen the documentary, but I do get (from reading the Wikipedia page) the "jist" of Jared Diamond's argument, as I have done my own research and thinking on history, and I have come to similar conclusions. But please don't take my words as the "final word" on the subject. Look at other arguments too before you decide your own conclusions.
Also, I don't believe in the distinction between "civilizations" and "primitive" tribes. "Civilization" is a word used too much as a term of segregation by people who think themselves as "civilized" and refer to everyone else as "barbarians.")

It's a simple title. A title that (cryptively) describes what it is about. But such a title can be easily abused. Any list of three random things can became a pseudo-title of a similar book... like Candy, Milk and, Iron. With such a book title (which can be open to interpretation) and the huge scope of the original book, its the sort of book you'll imagine someone like Randall Munroe would write (if he wasn't busy drawing stick figurines).

But, if he'd ever try to do so, here's an idea for the cover (this is the reason why this joke picked my interest). Using the most recent cover design of the book as inspiration....

Most recent book cover for Guns, Germs, and Steel 

(still available in most bookshops that sell science books (or Amazon))

Here's my design for Candy, Milk, and Iron....

Its a bit rushed, but this is a proof of concept work. I didn't have access to an x-ray machine so I had to manipulate my photos by inverting them, solarizing them and turning them monochrome. But the effect is similar.

This may be the first of a series of fictional book covers, so watch out for more.....

I'm Back!!!

This is Gordon Wallace back doing my random doddies after.... 5 MONTHS hidatus!

I do apologie readers. I didn't plan to be AFKed for so long, but a lot of things have made me lose track. I did plan to have a post up just after the Dr Who thing, but Cat has been as elusive as ever. This caused me to delay my second Christmas post. But I'm not the only one to do so. Top Gear had their Christmas special when they go to Burma to build a bridge over the River Kwai (in Thailand) on at March!
But that was nothing compared to what I suffered in mid-March. While watching A Town Called Panic on a DVD in my laptop sitting on my sofa my lower back suddenly became arthritic in nature. As soon as I turned my upper body or stood up it became agony. How did this happen? The only cause I can think of was an uncomfortable sleeping position the night before.
I tried to endure it for a few hours, by lying on my bed to see if the pain would diminish. It didn't. After the most agonising trip to the toilet ever, I had to call my mother to take me in. For the next week I was in my sick parent's home mostly in bed on a course of painkillers. Even with the painkillers I had to use a Zimmer frame to walk to the toilet. It was the worse week in my life... so far.

But don't worry folks, I'm fine now and fully mobile with minimum pain.

During my absence from this blog, I have missed a number of things. But I am going to rectify one of them. In February the satirical puppet show Spitting Image celebrated its 30th anniversary. So, as a tribute (and to coax Cat out of hiding) I contacted Luck and Flaw (who took some time off their busy schedule for me (especially Law, because Cat once broke three of his ceramic pots when he tripped on his shoelace)) and got them to make a special puppet for me. And here it is.

At least I coaxed him out of hiding... again.

After such a hammering, he told me that he visited GOMA recently. And here's the photographic evidence...

Photos from the Atelier Public #2 Exhibition in GOMA

Photos taken 2nd May 2014

Thank you for reading.