Tuesday, 30 July 2013

My Take on Backwards History (Part 1)

And now, something I promised earlier – my take on backwards history (inspired by The History of the World Backwards).

How could history run backwards? Let’s begin with the 21st century. The world is a high-tech heaven, with one-third of the world on-line and over a billion cars on the roads. People can travel anywhere on Earth in less than a day and have goods sent from there cheaper than somewhere local. Humans can manipulate nature right down to its genes and the material world right down to the atom. It seems a fabulous wonderland beyond the comprehension of any futurist before 1950.
But all was not well. Some of these technologies proved to be toxic to the Earth, especially in huge quantities. Heavy metals, non-biodegradable plastics, radioactive waste and over welling amounts of carbon dioxide were poisoning the life forms of Earth (including humans) and threaten to change the behavior of the planet’s climate. But the humans themselves couldn’t do all what was required to fix it, as they were distracted by squabblings over who is in charge and how they rule, who owns what bit of land or how much money, how should you lead your life and which celebrity has recently have a child. While the Earth’s biosphere was on the verge of breaking down, the most “intelligent” creature on it was almost doing nothing about it.

The Galactic Council decided to take action. As an experiment in planetary bio-warfare, the Master of Life commissioned the creation of a micro-organism that can invade the brains of intelligent creatures to feed on their thoughts, slowly reducing the host’s memories and mental capacities. When one was finally perfected to do so at a very slow experimental pace, a batch was brewed and bottled for an experimental release.

And so, on 17th July 2019 some hikers in Yellowstone Park spot a UFO flying over them. They take photos and video of it on their smartphones and upload them online then they contact the nearest park ranger. Of course, the park ranger will be skeptical, like they just saw Bigfoot. Little did they know that what they just saw will affect them, their life and the lives of their future ancestors.
The spread of the microbe was slow, with its first hosts been visitors to Yellowstone Park. But with many visitors from across North America and some from the other continents, it soon got some global coverage by New Year. A year later virtually everyone was infected by the unnoticeable microbe and it began its work. One strange side effect was that the people of the world, after celebrating the transition from 2020 to 2021 (known as New Year) began to refer to the New Year as 2020 (the previous year). Humanity was thinking that their times and dates go in reverse, with the week going Sunday, Saturday, Friday and so on and the months going December, November, October and so on. Only anything numeral remained forward, such as the times of the day … except the numbering of the years. As 2020 (which was actually 2021) ended, humanity referred to the new year as 2019. Then the next year as 2018, and so on. With the microbe in their brains, no one noticed the change, like everyone always did this for all time. But its varying effects on individuals were beginning to bite and affect the course of humanity.


It began with two biggest things humanity on Earth faced – the damage they inflicted to the environment and the biggest conflict on Earth at the time, the War between Western secular societies and Religious fundamentalism (and some communism). This was mostly in the form of former highly Christian countries against fringe Islamic groups wanting their religion to be practiced right down to the letter as said in the Koran, but they were other religious groups that were in battle that were a smaller concern, such as Christens in America who think the bible is accurate to the letter and anything contradicting to it is wrong (such as the scientific proof the world was created by a Big Bang). While this was going on, communism (which had a battering a long while ago) was gaining some strength again through China’s growing economy and Communist hardliner North Korea requiring nuclear weapons. What the Islamic fundamentalists and China’s growing economy had in common was the internet. It was thanks to the boundary-less frontier of the internet that China was able trade globally (giving American capitalism a large virtual slap in the face in the process) and religious groups to spread anti-western and anti-science propaganda. It also allowed anonymous hackers to play havoc of computer-controlled systems and access secret information and spread it to the world, like under windscreen wiper flyers on a windy day. It was dangerous and consumed a lot of power (about 10% of the world’s electricity). China’s growing economy was fuelled a lot by coal, contributing a lot of the world’­s manmade CO­2. Secretly (off paper) the United States made a decision that’ll truly begin the reversal of history. They couldn’t have considered it without the influence of the microbe, but they did - they secretly began to dismantle the internet. Backwards history had begun. 

END OF PART 1

Part 2

Acts of Cultural Vandalism #11 - The History of the World Backwards

The History Of The World Backwards - Episode 6 (BBC 4 2007)

Welcome to another edition of cultural vandalism, and this edition is about history - going backwards.

In October 2007, during my college years, BBC 4 advertised an interesting comedy sketch show with an interesting title - The History of the World Backwards. I was intrigued, but I wasn't able to watch it (I think it was because something else interesting was on another channel while it was on (and I had no recording facility at my disposable at the time).). Year later, thanks to the internet, I was able to watch it (because they didn't repeat it on TV) .... and I found out why they didn't.


The History of the World Backwards (if you haven't worked it out form the title) is about an alternate reality where time runs forward, but history runs in reverse, with the series beginning in the 21st century and ending with the Stone Age. Dates run in reverse as well, with a child born in 2007 turning 60 in 1947. 


It was a TV adaptation of No Planet B or, The History of the World Backwards, a live show written and performed by Robert NewmanFor everyone who wasn't into British comedy during the late-1980s and early-90s, Robert Newman was one of the significant comedians at this time. He was part of a Cambridge student comic quartet, with Hugh Dennis (of Mock the Week and Outnumbered fame), Steve Punt, and David Baddiel who came together to perform on the BBC Radio 1 topical sketch show The Mary Whitehouse Experience, which later was adapted to TV on BBC 2. With The Mary Whitehouse Experience, Newman and Baddiel became "unlikely pin-ups as, in the early 1990s, comedy was being fêted as 'the new rock and roll'," leading to their own series, Newman and Baddiel Rest in Pieces. They soon lived to "the new rock and roll" label with their "Live and in Pieces" tour with their iconic performance in a sold-out Wembley Arena in 1993, the first comedians to do so, leading a trail for later stadium-selling comedians, like Lee Evans and Michael McIntyre

Newman's (and Baddiel's) most famous gag was the History Today skits. First appearing on the The Mary Whitehouse Experience, the skits involved two elderly historians discussing a a typical historic subject which then degenerates to a playground spat, which you can reenact with little improv skills with this simple script.


HISTORIAN 1 - Tonight's subject is [insert historical subject here]

HISTORIAN 2 - You know that [insert thing here]... That's you, that is.

HISTORIAN 1 - You know that [insert thing here]... That's you, that is.

(Then repeat those two lines for as long as you like.)

Here's a clip from YouTube for reference.


History Today sketches from The Mary Whitehouse Experience (1992)

But, all was not rosy for the duo. The partnership was widely reported as being fraught with tension. On stage and TV, they rarely perform together. Most of their work was in the form of individual monologues (with the History Today sketches been one of the exceptions). It waenvidiable that after their Wembley show they went their separate ways. While Baddiel became an icon of the 1990s "new lad" culture (through his new comedic partnership with Frank Skinner and their Fantasy Football League), Rob..."disappeared."

He seemed to disappear from the television landscape, with some concerned rumours about his mental status. It seemed that Rob was becoming the Syd Barrett of comedy. But it wasn't true. Rob had been writing a few novels and performing one-man shows featuring social-consciousness, environmentalism and anti-[insert anything that is bad about the world]ism. And it was one of these live shows that led to his brief return to television in 2007 - No Planet B or, The History of the World Backwards

The History of the World Backwards shares the themes that feature in most of his work with some added silliness. However, I should warn you that you should need some more intellect than the typical Blackadder viewer to understand the full content of this show. But, if you got a general grasp of world history, you can watch this like it was a mix of Blackadder/Horrible Histories and Monty Python. With this lens the show has its memorable moments, such as Alexander Graham Bell making the last ever premium rate phone call and Feudalism winning elections for tackling local issues. It even has two sketches about the backwards history version of Jesus, which will please the fans of Life of Brian
But, it does have an environmental axe in it. It's the show's main theme - the gradual decline of advanced techno civilization back to the Stone Age through rejecting fossil fuels, large-scale farming, and artificial substances. People return to self-sufficiency, repairing things instead of throwing them away and buying new things from China and farming on land space that was once covered by supermarkets and multistory car parks. Despite this reversal the effects of the brief time of global affluenza remain, causing climate change that triggers the Ice Age where the remaining people (who now live in caves lit with flickering fires that serve as a flickering memory of television) collect fruit and hunt meat, occasionally falling into chasms full of what remains of their ancestors' landfill.  Some of you may not like this, but I do. 
But one thing that I personally thought ruined the show was the nice couple who always sound sinister sketches in episodes one and two. I didn't see the point of them! What did they got to do with the early-20th century? Was it some vain attempt to create a new version of Ray - the man who always talks in a sarcastic tone (look for series 2 of The Mary Whitehouse Experience)? To me they were a pure waste of time serving no story-telling function whatsoever. That and also I thought a few sketches were too slow and long.

Most reviews were not favorable. One reviewer said "Here, we are relying largely on Newman alone and he ends up being bogged down into too many sketches that fail to go anywhere and stretch far too long". 
Another claimed the show was too confusing and that, "The sketches are nonsensically unfunny, and any serious points get lost in the absurdity."  A. A. Gill said that, "It's a sketch show written by Stephen Hawking's wheelchair. It collapses under the weight and restrictions of its own concepts."
One thing that the criticism of the show features is its comparison to the 2006 BBC 2 series Time Trumpet, a sketch show by political satirist Armando Iannucci set as a 2031 retrospective of the late-2000s (which I did watch as it came out and liked a lot). Seeing both shows, I can see the similarities and their different angles. Both reinterpret and manipulate archive footage for comic and satirical effect, but Time Trumpet sees them as events that have already happened, while The History of the World Backwards sees them as things that are happening as we speak. But each show's scope of time is different. While Time Trumpet only deals with (then) recent events, which are quite easy to manipulate on the video editing suite, The History of the World Backwards stretches to all history, meaning that the image manipulators have to deal with all sorts of record, including Aztec pictographs (which were modified in episode 6 to suggest that they included elements of modern Christianity (including Pancake Day and charity fund thermometers)). On those grounds, The History of the World Backwards is a more aesthetically interesting show, but (as an experienced animation connoisseur) I know personally that aesthetics alone don't make a good TV show. The story is the most important thing of any performance. And, on that ground, Time Trumpet wins, with its contemporary references, while most people won't get the many things in The History of the World Backwards.
As a final indicator of how bad the show has performed, The History of the World Backwards has (as of the time of writing) never been released on DVD, while Time Trumpet (despite been made in 2006) was released on DVD in 2009, and in December 2011, Comedy Central announced that they were remaking the series for the US, with Iannucci as producer. Ouch!

As a sad result, The History of the World Backwards became one of those TV shows that you can now only see on YouTube (unless you know someone who's got it on tape, DVD-R or on a hard drive when it broadcasted).
Another programme that has fallen a similar fate is The Changes, a 1975 BBC kids drama based on a the Changes Trilogy by Peter Dickinson. In it the people of Britain suddenly experience a loud annoying supernatural noise coming from every piece of advanced technology, forcing the populace into smash up their machines returning Britain to a pre-industrial age (sound familiar?).

The Changes (1975)

Compared to The History of the World Backwards, The Changes was very well received. It was viewed as a sort of older kids version of contemporary adult post-apocalypse drama Survivors and was noted for its multi-ethic casting (compared to the almost all-white cast in Survivors). It did so well that the series was repeated in 1976 and shown overseas, even appearing on UK Gold in 1994. But, despite this, (as of the time of writing) it has never been released on video or DVD. Why? Is it something about environmental-themed stories involving the rejection of high-technology - like television? Could a similar fate happen to Revolution? Of course not. It's a high-budget American series, from the producer of Lost. It's bound to be released on DVD (or Blu-ray) eventually.

In the end, to conclude this review, here's an ad slogan that I have adapted that accurately sums up what I thought about The History of the World Backwards - 
It's a great idea, but it's not Carling.
Rob Newman had a brilliant idea for a comedy sketch show, but it was badly executed. You could have done better Rob. It just needed some fine-tuning (like getting rid of that sinister couple). Don't judge the rest of Rob's work from this series - he's great in The Mary Whitehouse Experience and Rest in Pieces (which are all on YouTube, which is how I was able to see them and reference Ray earlier). And if Rob is happen to be reading this, I'm sorry for been a bit hurtful, but I'm just been honest about my thoughts about this show. I give it 7 out of 10, with a possible 8.

This this talk of backwards history, I might give it a stab myself... but this blog is getting long now and I should rap this up. And now a final sketch, and on the theme of backwards history, we'll take a good look back on the life of the late Cat Stevens (backwards).














See? I told you he'll be back. We just needed to coax him out of hiding. 
Hello.

UPDATE: I'm delighted to say that since writing this post, The Changes has been released on DVD.

Thursday, 25 July 2013

Acts of Cultural Vandalism #10 - Poking Some Fun at Health and Safety Films


Welcome to another edition of "Acts of Cultural Vandalism" and and the spray can is today pointed to (if you haven't worked out from that clip above) the subject of health and safety. To be more precise, health and safety films (and their parodies).

To begin with, here's an example of a health and safety film made before the 1950s. This film is from the US version of the Great Northern Railway and is typical of most safety films of this time.

Why Risk Your Life? (1940s)

It's boring! Its footage of men at work with close-ups of hands and feet and an over-domineering authoritative voice-over. The only piece of entertainment in that film was the (obviously) model train crash near the end of the film demonstrating an engineer not paying attention to the signals. Its like the brief had the line "This film must not be entertaining to watch" in it. The people who commissioned them (who kind of still viewed their employees as expendable organic robots) could have thought that entertainment was a luxury (like extended tea breaks). They saved the entertainment for promotional films (for business clients, managers, and customers) to show that everything's "fan-dabby-dozie." I mean, to employers, health and safety is no laughing matter. Accidents in the workplace cost time, resources and (of course) money.

After this drab period, things begin to pick up (and I don't just mean the use of colour). Thanks to the work of many researchers and time-motion studies, danger was taken more seriously in the workplace. But they also found new possible dangers. And a lot of them were found in places that were previously thought of as "cushy." Until the 1950s it can be assumed that working in an office or a shop was safer than, say, a ship builders yard. But it turned out that a lot of work time was lost through trips and falls. And their was new equipment to deal with as well.  With these new dangers in existence, health and safety films had to change.

For offices and shops, health and safety films were (what you might say) "friendly." They weren't places you might expect dangers (no one has ever lost a finger in the platen of an electric typewriter (compared to the electric mangles at the time)). The following film (made by Xerox (of photocopier fame)) is typical of this fashion.

You and Office Safety from Xerox Films (1950s)

In heavy industry, the feel of health and safety films were a bit more "scary" and "macho" (the idea of women operating heavy machinery was still unthinkable at the time, remember). The following film is a typical example. It was commissioned by Caterpillar in 1970, featuring the voice-over of Johnny Cash? 

Shake Hands With Danger (1970) from Caterpillar


However, by the 1970s, it was found that humour was a better at educating workers than just showing the worse case scenario. The following film from the US Union Pacific Railroad (presented by Glen Roper (an Archie Bunker look-alike possible turn elderly stuntman)) makes good use of freeze-frame, a boxing punching bag, a crash test dummy and a wooden leg in explaining why you should get on or off moving trains with "the right foot." (No high-vis jackets, though.)


Getting off on the Right Foot (c1972)

But by the 1990s, humour alone wasn't cutting it. They were endanger of becoming "boring." They needed some.. "spice." Something to get their attention and make them watch. The obvious answer was blood and guts.

The film that can be said that started this tread was this German parody of a 1980s work safety film called (translated from the original German title) Forklift Driver Klaus - The First Day on the Job. This film is very convincing for a parody, with the voice of Egon Hoegen as the narrator (a well known voice in German road safety films), but increasingly becomes ridiculous and gory. 

Staplerfahrer Klaus – Der erste Arbeitstag <Forklift Driver Klaus – The First Day on the Job> (2000)

Now here's how to make a health and safety film. Its no surprise that this film has been shown in real heath and safety briefings in Germany as a way to make them a bit more fun. No wonder it won many awards.

After 2000 (possibly thanks to this German film) health and safety films dramatically moved away from the quaint style of earlier times. Thanks to advances in computer-generated graphics, health and safety filmmakers were able to go extreme in their visuals. The only limits now were budget and taste. Although the budgets of such films are usually low, the decreasing costs of CGi has made even the most shoe-string-made films can have Hollywood level effects. But if that's the case, imagine what you might get with a huge budget?

The best example of this trend has been this series of ads from the Workplace Safety & Insurance Board of Ontario, Canada.

Prevent-It.ca ads (c2007)

A year later, they made this dramatic ad. Ohh... the tension mounts.....

Prevent-It ad - Machine Shop (2008)

Damn and blast! They fixed the emergency switch! How could they (I imagine you saying mentally to yourself if this is the first time you saw this ad).

This Prevent-It campaign is unique in it's application in getting the message across. I bet after seeing the ad I placed at the start you'll never forget it. That's what happened to me when I first discovered that ad a few months ago. Its no surprise that the ads became a subject of parody. They are a few on YouTube, but this one in particular is my favorite. Not only it parody's the ads, it also comments on the recent financial crisis.

Prevent-It ad parody - Investment Banker and Loan Shark Christmas (Uploaded December 2007)

It was so good, here's the final sketch....






Well, that's it for now. But I'm pondering if I should do an edition about safety in the home. I mean, compared to workplaces (where safety is taken more seriously) the home is (statistically) a huge wide-ranging death trap. The possible dangers are endless. Chip pan fires, flammable upholstery, carbon monoxide poisoning, lead paint, mercury vapour from broken florescent bulbs, rugs on polished floors, loose carpet edges, exploding aerosol cans, incorrect fuses, loose electric wiring, candles.....

Tuesday, 2 July 2013

Acts of Cultural Vandalism #9 - Three words that could defeat online trolls

V-Hub energy drink ad - Silence the Trolls (2013)

Last night, while starting up a music video on YouTube, this ad for an energy drink appeared (annoyingly) before it. I do usually skip the ad, but occasionally I do allow myself to see the whole ad. 

Now, to begin with, this could be mistaken as a PIF about online trolls, highlighting the fact that most things trolls say are not things "sensible" people would say in public. But the end, where a cat-like puppet says shuhhh! to the "trolls," was not that impressive. You could have expected a large red hammer with the word "ignore" or "block" written on it hitting the trolls silencing them, especially that girl abusing that poor busker (It's an advert. Its all make believe for goodness sake - and she had it coming, like Veruca Salt).

Now, during the night I had a thought about the issue of online trolls. Although I have not enountered them personally... let, I am fully aware of their existance and their effects on people. Remembering a part of the ad that had a "brave" man say to a bunch of tough-looking redheads "gingers dnon't have souls," I came up with the ultimate come back to that remark. It's a simple one that's easy to rememebr and could be used in many applications....
so do trolls
If online trolls have been saying that "You have ______" or "You Haven't _______" reply with those words.  Even use it as an automatic response to any troll, no matter what they say. Annoy them with the exact same response, like an automated dial-up service calling the same person repeatedly. And if a troll was stupid enough to have a contact attached to a comment use it to send multiple messages of those words to them. Flood their message boards and in-trays. Make their online life annoying. Give them a taste of their own medicine. This is my gift to all you responsible internet users out there.

SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO 
TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO 
TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO 
TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS
SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS - SO DO TROLLS