Pokémon 20th anniversary special comedy sketch

BIRCH – He arrived late to his initiation?

OAK – Why did you think he ended up with Pikachu?

ELM – You didn’t know? The Pikachu he gave to Ash was a wild rouge he found chewing the power cables one night.

BIRCH – A rogue, uh. It’s been a while since I encountered one. Back when I was a trainer, to be precise.

ROWAN – Now that brings me back. Back when I was a young trainer.

OAK – We all remember when we were trainers. It’s what made us who we are now.

ALL THREE – True, true.

ROWAN – But still, who of all of our young selves would have thought that decades later  we’ll be here in a state-of-the-art lab in unspoiled country drinking the finest wine from Kalos.

ALL THREE – Yeah.

BIRCH – My younger self would have been amazed by that. Back then the best drink I could have wished for was a cold cup a tea.

ELM – Yeah. Without sugar.

OAK – Or milk.

ROWAN – Or tea. The best I could hope for was a cupful of clean water. I didn’t even care if that cup was cracked and leaking.

OAK – A cup? I was lucky to have a rolled-up newspaper.

BIRTH  – Newspaper? I was lucky to have a damp cloth to suck.

ELM – I was too clumsy to handle a damp cloth, let alone a cup. I had to use my hands to scoop up water from a puddle.

ROWAN – A puddle? I would dream to scoop water from a puddle. I had to rely on the rain.

BIRCH – You were lucky to have rain. For one time I spent six months in the desert of route 111.

OAK – I remember Ash been there years ago. He encountered a battle-obsessed family living there. It was after Misty had to give up Togepi to that Mirage Kingdom.

ELM – I remember that little guy. So cute.

ROWAN – (sigh) Trainers today.

OAK and ELM – Excuse me?

ROWAN – I think trainers today have got it easy, - compared to us.

(All in deep thought)

OAK – You may be right, Rowan. Back then we didn’t have Pokenavs to help us find our way. I remember my trusted pocket map book, which I still have.

ELM – Was it up to date? My map book was a hand-me-down from my uncle. I nearly got killed by a train on a non-existent rail line.

ROWAN – Maps? Rubbish. I had to rely on the stars to find my way. I only had a sextant to guide me.

BIRCH – A sextant? I had to rely on my field skills ALONE. I never needed a map or the stars to find my way around.

OAK – But, of course, we could have used out Pokémon to help us. Speaking of which, remember how primitive poke balls were, when they were manually-operated? I still have them after I transferred to the modern solid-state models.

ELM – I was still using those until I was 35. They were hand-me-downs too. And one of them contained a dead Magikarp that stank like a Skuntank.

ROWAN – Luxury. I would dream to have second-hand poke balls. I had poke collars and leashes. One time I tried to catch a Luxio. That electric feline lashed me within an inch of my life. It nearly sliced my head clean off.

BIRCH – Luxury. I had nothing, but my bare hands and patience. I had to once wrestle a Mightyena to teach him obedience. And I still got the scars.

OAK – You win this round, Birch.

ELM - But still, even after dealing with so many wild Pokémon nothing beats, after a long day, a nice kip in a tent.

OAK – Tent?

ELM – Well… when I say tent, I mean a sheet a tarpaulin strung over two branches.

OAK – (pause) You were lucky to have two trees. I had to make do with a Gitafarif.

ROWAN – Tarpaulin, as well?

OAK – Of course.

ROWAN – Luxury. I had to make do with newspaper.

BIRCH – I would dream to have newspaper. I had to sleep in cave.

ROWAN – Cave? I once had to share a nest with a Staraptor. And a very reluctant one of that.

ELM – I once slept with a bunch of wild Ursaring…. During mating season. I learnt a lot that night.

OAK – You were lucky. I was once sent 40 years into the future by a Celebi.

ROWAN – Now that is too Farfetch’d.

OAK – (sigh) Yeah it is. Sorry everyone. But it was a great story that entertained a number in the Poke centre I stayed in while in Johto.

ELM – Remember back when we had to do jobs on sight to earn food and a bed in those places. I was thrown out of one for my bad housekeeping… due to how cold it was.

BIRCH – Cold? I was once made to stay up all night collecting fire wood in the middle of winter, all for a bowl of watered down lukewarm tomato soup and a small piece of stale bread.

OAK – I use to dream for a bowl of watered down lukewarm soup. I once had to spend a whole month, 18 hours a day, draining a swamp. All for half a cold tin of baked beans.

ELM - You were lucky to have more than one bean. I remember only getting just one little bean for rewiring the whole centre’s electrics.

ROWAN – (pause) Right! One time I had to wake up every night at half past ten, half an hour before we all went to bed, to single-handedly build an extension in the Baroque style. I didn’t even know what “Baroque” meant? I had to wing it for two years, until I was able to save the two cents a day I was been paid to do it (with one been paid back every day for the privilege of working on site) to be able to afford to get a library card. And even when I got the card I had to beat a Mismagius to gain entrance to library – for a fee of course. And my reward for finishing that extension? A mug of cold tea with no milk or sugar…. Or tea.

OAK – Try telling that to the young folk today. Would they believe it?